Are you in love? Are you seriously in love, or you’re only treating someone as a means to some end? If you’re in love, then why does it hurt? Why is being in love with someone feels so cruel?
The thing is, the idea of love presented to us through movies, T.V shows and books, was always a storyteller of one-sided opinion, which is love is good.
However, the reality is far different from the one we see on the screen or read in a paper. Moreover, some movies try to display pain in love, such as the main character going through a breakup or losing someone close to him or her.
It does not love; instead, it’s part of life. And there, people make the mistake, they misunderstand these two aspects and blame love by asking why does love hurt?
If you’re going through pain in love or someone close to you, then in this article, I will share some useful points that would help you understand the true meaning of love, and why it hurts.
I will also try to answer some of the most asked questions people are looking for an answer to when they’re in love. Let’s see where we end up.
Note: If you’re suffering a major breakdown or serious issues in life, like assault, depression and suicidal thoughts, then you should ask for help from someone close to you or seek psychiatrist advice. This place (or article) then might not be the right place (or thing ) for you to ask (or seek) help. We’re sorry to say that to you.
The myth about love that makes us ask why does love hurt
Love is supposed to feel good.
Who said that?
I believe someone who’s never got hurt in love, someone who never hurt the one whom he/she loves.
But answer one thing, is it possible? That we never experience pain in love? No, it isn’t. And if someone is telling you that he/she never felt pain in love, then be aware, because they are just deceiving you.
Because just like a coin which has two sides, the infamous love has two sides as well. There’s nothing in this world with one face, except water. Yet, still water hearts, whether it’s cold or hot. What? Cold or hot? I thought there’s only one side of the water.
Leave it, that’s another topic from chemistry.
Love hurts when we set a bias for it. When we only accept the good aspects of it and try to avoid the bad.
Not accepting love as it is, creates chaos and limits us to experience the true nature of it. We only seek good moments, and when they don’t come, it feels like love is pain. Love isn’t supposed to feel good; instead, it should be felt both good and bad. That’s how you’ll find out what it’s supposed to feel.
However, accepting painful love doesn’t mean that you accept all the pains love has to offer.
Because just like love, pain in love has two sides. One is good to accept, and another is bad for you if you keep yourself indulged with it. What are they, let’s find out.
When love is pain, Good
In love, there are partners, families, and friends. Love isn’t only about the intimate relationship with an opposite or same gender person.
Love is love, and it can happen between anything — humans, animals, or even objects with emotional feelings are attached. So, when enduring pain in love is good for us?
When it’s love, you might not feel it as pain, however a kind of journey to strengthen the relationship. Still, it’s good when none of the parties is taking advantage of one another. You’re facing the terrible moment of life as a unity not as individuals.
For the sake of truly in love, you’re not trying to please another person by taking all the pain upon you, unless it’s something you both want.
Pain in love is good when you or the other person is honest and takes full responsibility for the mistakes you make in a relationship.
Pain in love is good when you’re insecure about the relationship or the person and open about them to him or her. In this way, you put everything on the table and allow them to know what’s good for the relationship and what’s not.
By keeping your insecurities to yourself, you lower your self-confidence, and it would reflect on your outer personality. It may get noticed by your partner, and because of your less self-esteem, they too feel less confidence in your presence. Non-discussed insecurities only create jealousy, arguments and then breakups, which is hard to cope with.
However, if you’re open, you may together find a solution to deal with them before they become a problem.
Last but not least, forgiveness is the key to face the painful relationship. And by forgiveness, it doesn’t mean you forgive your bad partner, else, you forgive yourself for choosing to love that person.
Or it shouldn’t be like that.
Perhaps, the person you chose to love wasn’t the one for you to live and love forever. Or maybe, you’re not the one whom he/she was meant to love forever.
The real meaning of love is that, no matter what happens, you shouldn’t stop loving yourself.
You just need to keep loving and forgiving yourself and keep spreading the love until your last breath. That’s real love, and nobody can take that away from you.
Is love supposed to hurt?
You see, not only love, but every good thing in life is supposed to hurt.
Because if it doesn’t, we don’t care about it. We treat it as some means to some end. Using this emotion, we might manipulate someone or use someone to get somewhere.
For example, if our parts of the body don’t hurt then do we care about them? Or just start to treat them like objects? I guess we start to use them as objects. When someone doesn’t care about his body parts, how can we assume that he will care about others. It’s a simple no.
No, he’ll not care about us, he won’t care whether we are hurt or not. He just takes whatever he wants from us and moves forward mercilessly.
So, it’s essential to feel pain in love, not because lacking it we become careless, but because it makes us human — a living specie on Earth with emotion, empathy and love of course.
How can I stop love pain?
You must have heard that you always hurt the one you love so much. But tell me one thing, we love our country, do we hurt it? No, we don’t.
Moreover, if you ask this question to those we think they are hurting the nation, like thieves, they’d tell you that they aren’t.
And why is that?
- Because they love themselves too much, they don’t think about other people and their feelings. When there’s too much “Me” inside us, there’s no place for someone else. So, it’s better not to treat yourself as the one to be loved. Try to listen, understand and be with the other person, they may be doing the same, and you both succeed in coping with painful love.
- Forgive yourself more often than you forgive others. When we face pain in love, it’s hard to move on, but the moment you forgive and free yourself from all the questions and self-pity, everything becomes easy. To learn more about this, read chapter 8th from Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now.
- Treat breakups as part of love, the same way we treat pain and happiness as a part of life. Breakups provide you with the idea of what didn’t work and what areas you need to improve to make the next relationship better.
- When someone close to us dies, do we remain in the pain of love or move forward? I guess we move forward. And how do we do that? By cherishing the memories. So, in your present situation, don’t cherish the touch or intimate times rather cherish the memories. And by cherishing the memories, I don’t mean you thrive for your past memories in the future. Instead, cherish what you’ve got now in the present.
- Make this key teaching of your love life, that some relations are meant to break to help us find a real one. Love is available everywhere; you can have it whenever you want.
- And last but not least, don’t forget, you cannot stop feeling love pain, because pain is the true revealer of true love. Allow it in your life and be grateful for it. It might change your perspective about love for the greater good.
Is love worth all the pain?
The question you should be asking is, Is the pain worth all the love, not its counterpart.
And yes, pain is worth, and not only for love but everything in life. When the electricity goes out for a moment, and all the noises go down, it presents us with the silence’s true meaning and experience.
Likewise, when happiness takes an exit from our life and pain makes its entry, it showcases tremendous aspects of our life. We learn the literal meaning of life that no school, colleges or university can teach us.
Because of the pain, you learn it is worth to feel pain about someone with whom you’re so much in love. Is it worth crying or breaking down?
Love is pain, or I should say pain is love. You’ve got to experience and keep moving with life to finally reach that point of love from there you’d never regret loving someone, whether it hurts feelings or not. Whether you hurt the one, you love or not.
From that point, you’ll learn the true meaning of love and start to love as you’ve never been hurt. And not only the person whom you think of as your future spouse but everyone else. Animals, people around and yourself as well.
Therefore, be with the pain, let it sink in, experience because it will shape you into a better you. Don’t quit and don’t give yourself a hard time. Just keep moving on.
I hope this article has helped you find out why love hurts, and how you can heal it. Everything I’ve penned down here was out of the personal and family experience. Things I’ve seen related to love. And I believe that experience helps, so if you have anything in mind related to this article or anything in life, something that troubles you, then please share your problem with me in the comment section, I’d like to help you. That’s what this blog is about.
Let me know,
Putting thoughts for everyone.