Confusion in life is not a strange thing for sure.
Everyone is aware of it and it’s something every human being experiences once in their lifetime.
Some at school, so some at college. Some at work, so some at home.
And probably like them, you’re also experiencing it right now.
However, what’s important is why you’re feeling confused about life or anything in particular.
The reason is essential because without knowing the disease we can’t treat it. Even if we try to do so, we’ll do it wrong.
Therefore, in this article, you’ll find why you are confused and how to stop it, or not.
Let’s find out!
Why Are We So Confused?
Life’s not made up of a single flavour, nor does it have a single track through which we can easily pass on.
It’s a combination of different big and small complex things that piles in front of us at a random pace. So, it’s imperative to feel confused and lost.
You cannot help with that.
However, apart from situations in our life, there are pretty different reasons that confuse us about pretty different things. And below, we’re going to discuss them one by one. So, you could have a better understanding of why you asked the question, “Why am I so confused?”
1. Our Ability to Think
The universe has created different galaxies with different different planets. And one of those planets is our Earth.
It’s magical, it’s vast, it’s deep, and it’s full of life — the life that itself is a universe that gets birth, grows, and perishes to be born again.
There’s no confusion in between, each and every living being is following the same cycle of life – born, live, and die. But, what is it that makes humans so different from other species?
What is it that makes humans so confused about life?
Drum rolls, please… it’s our ability to think. Yup, you’ve read the heading right, there’s no suspense in it.
And because of this ability of ours, we get confused in life for countless reasons.
Moreover, what’s sad about our ability to think is that we cannot stop it. Because, it’s the main purpose of our brain – it thinks that’s why it’s working, and if we try to stop it, you already know… we will no longer be able to get confused again.
Our thinking gets more complicated when it collides with numerous choices. Whether you want to buy a couple of Ts or send your boyfriend nasty pictures. When there are choices, you’re bound to get confused, no matter how hard you try not to.
And probably because we can think, we know how to do a particular thing in completely different manners.
For example, animals get confused a little or never during their lifespan. Reason? Because their ability to think is limited and they’ve got a set pattern to do different things – meaning, they’ve got less number of choices.
If a deer saw a lion, what would it do? It will run without thinking twice. It won’t get confused whether to run or not.
And it’s because it has only one choice that would save its life; otherwise, it’d be the feast of the roarer.
There’s a set pattern for them.
If you put food in front of them, they’ll eat if they’re not already full or sick. If you offer them water to drink, they’ll do the same.
Also, they rarely understand what we say to them. So, there’s another factor that makes their thinking create less number of choices, which is, influence.
However, we humans don’t have any set pattern for anything. For example, we can eat food while sitting, standing, and even lying. If we see a lion, we won’t run the moment we see it.
There’s going to be conflict on whether to run or not.
And if we talk about influence, then it has its share as well to make us confused about life’s different areas.
Like, if there’s food in front of you and you’re already full, and someone insists you eat it by saying, “it’s only a piece, take a small bite,” and so on.
You’d probably get confused for a while as it’s not a life-changing decision. If the person keeps insisting you on, then the power of the influence would increase, and you’ll probably eat that whole plate.
So, thinking, choices and influence can sometimes or most of the time make you confused.
3. No Desired Result (Am I Doing Right?)
People often experience confused feelings when they don’t feel or see any desired result in what they’re doing in the present moment.
And at that moment, we definitely question ourselves, “Am I doing right?”
Am I doing right is something that nobody can answer. And nobody means nobody.
Even if you’re getting good results, making huge money, or running a lavish empire, if you ask yourself this self-guiding question, you’d probably get confused.
Try it, and you’ll see.
What makes Am I doing right (AIDR) even worse is when we start comparing ourselves to others.
And perhaps, the AIDR was the effect of the comparison in the first place.
People are buying houses, cars, bikes, joining the gym, vacationing, and doing a lot of different money spending stuff.
And you’re only going to the same office for the same work and for the same money at the end of the day. So, watching people doing those stuff, will probably make you feel sad about yourself.
And how do I know that? Because I’ve also felt the same effect of comparison in my life and not once, but many.
The same feeling of comparison had influenced me to ask the same question many people ask when they’re confused – am I doing right.
There are multiple reasons why we compare ourselves to others, but the prominent ones are that we’re humans and we’re attracted towards material things.
They kind of steal our breath.
And another reason is that we lack purpose and don’t value what we’re doing. As a result, it makes us value the things that other people are doing or getting.
We soon start doing the same things that others are doing, so we could feel like equals. But, by comparing, you’re never going to get rid of the AIDR or use it for a better cause.
You’ll be confused in your life even if you get the things that people are showing off.
5. Thinking of Future
Life’s other name is time. We live and experience our time on the planet in the past, present, and future.
Memories are the godown of our past time, which we time to time access for both pain and pleasure. There’s no confusion, whatever we’ve lived has an apparent effect on our life.
We’ve faced the consequences of our actions.
However, when it comes to the present and future, there’s confusion and confusion.
We face confusion in our present time due to choices, thinking, influence, and comparison.
But another thing that makes us confused about life is thinking of the future which also happens in the present.
We can’t live in the future, right? There’s only one way to experience it, i.e., the present.
And why do we feel confused when we think of the future?
Because it also comprises choices, our desire for an outcome, and doubt whether it will go right or not. Try to understand this one as the following scenario,
You’re planning for a vacation, now you search for where you should go. Multiple places come up and a couple of things make up your mind. Now, confusion will occur, where should you go? How should you go? Will you enjoy it there?
And so on.
You’ll overthink countless topics of your little vacation which might turn to another topic. And then, you might start overthinking about that topic with countless other topics.
In the end, you’ll be caught up in the loops of confusion that pile up one after another. These confusions in the present are related to the future. And just like other confusions, this also can be dealt with.
6. Disease of Perfection
The disease of perfection stocks endless choices, hence endless confusion. If you cannot complete a piece of work, you’ll always be confused to keep it incomplete.
And it applies to all areas of your life.
Whether you’re painting your house, buying a new car, or even preparing for a date. If you look for the missing pieces, you cannot enjoy the beauty of the whole, placed in front of you.
For instance, once I was thinking of meeting a person. She was beautiful and good with heart. However, she was not tall. So, I began to think, “Um, she’s not tall. How’d I get along with her?”
I asked myself a question, “Does height matter to me more than the person’s nature?”
The reply came, “No, height doesn’t matter.” That was a relief, but then, my mind thought again, “but what if I marry this woman and my children get her characteristics and don’t grow tall?”
Well, that made things very hard for me. One after one different questions lined up. I tried to keep myself low and decided to meet that lady anyway.
But, she never came, and I never met her. We never got married and had no stumpy children, of which I’m not concerned anymore. So, in the end, all of my confusion went to waste.
What I am trying to put here is that most of the time, we get confused and think about things so much that actually never happen.
7. We Want to Experience Everything Good
Mother – Baby don’t go there, you won’t feel good.
Daughter – Then what do I do? I’m so confused.
Well, you’ll be for your entire life if you listen to your mother’s advice. Or anybody’s advice telling you that you’re supposed to feel good. And by anybody means, you as well.
When we have choices, why do we feel confused?
Because we want to feel good about what we’re choosing. If there are two shirts, we’ll be confused because of the question running back in our mind, “In which one will I look handsome, beautiful, charming, or feel good? ”
We want good in every other situation we handle.
However, for a moment if we drop our expectation to feel good, we might not get confused. If we go with the attitude that we don’t care whether we look good or not, we’ll have a different state of mind.
A state which is more focused, energetic, and confusion-free. If we remove both bad and good, we’ll never get confused.
But, removing positives and negatives from our life isn’t easy. And therefore, all we can do is try a different approach to see a particular situation with unbiased thinking.
And how can we do that? Let’s find out.
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Not How to Stop Being Confused, Rather the Question Should Be: Is It Necessary to Stop Being Confused, Or We Should Do Something Else?
While I was writing this, I got confused several times. Should I write this or that? This, or that?
However, I was only able to overcome that situation, when I decided to write certain sentences and move forward with them. Also, I made my peace with them. Otherwise, I would have compiled the question, “Am I doing right?”
What’s learning here is that we’ll remain confused unless we don’t make any decision and move forward. Further, we have to accept what we have decided and get fully ready for the consequences it brings.
But, there’s more we could do to overcome our confusion problem, and the following are one of them.
1. Understand: Confusion is Thinking. And Thinking Can Be Dealt With Meditation
It’s certain that we cannot stop ourselves from getting confused in life because it’s also thinking and if we stop thinking, we’re not living.
However, we can adopt a new approach to establish a better relationship with our thinking.
The thing is, that confusion not only occurs before we make a decision. It does happen once we’ve taken any action. To deal with the before-action confusion, we can make a decision and move forward.
However, for the after-action confusion, things become a little tricky. We start to think about different things one after another. We start to think about different outcomes.
Some of them scare us, so some help us remain calm. But, it becomes harder to stay with a single thought and save ourselves from the confusion.
So, in this situation, what can we do?
Well, we can meditate because it helps us understand that after-action confusions are just latterly thoughts and nothing else. That they don’t have any physical occurrence, they’re only in our mind, so we don’t have to worry or overthink about our decision.
2. Is This What I Need?
When you’re suffering from the AIDR and feeling lost and confused, then asking this question would help you a lot.
It sets you in the right direction and helps you reach the stable ground.
For instance, at the moment I am working on different things and sometimes things get so messy that I, too, start to question myself, “Am I doing right?”
If I rely on this question solely, it would take me into the multiverse of madness. Therefore, right after this question, I ask again, “Is this what I need?”
Now the beauty of this question is that its answer never came right after I asked it. It takes time, and when it comes it satisfies me more than anything. Like the thing I am doing right now, I don’t want to do, but it’s the thing that would take me there where I’ll be able to do the things I want to.
Likewise, if I am doing the thing I want to do, then it solves the problem right away.
The same could be possible for you if you’re dealing with the Am I Doing Right. Just try to be honest and patient for your answer to arrive. It could take minutes, hours, or maybe days.
So, be patient. Don’t force yourself.
3. Tackle Comparison & With That, Confusion in Life
We compare and experience confused feelings when we don’t have any purpose, and don’t value the thing we’re doing and have in the present.
Comparison is the killer of values and the patience you have in yourself for anything you want to achieve.
And as the Jewish say, ‘Count Your Blessings’ is what can help us stay content with our situation and not feel bad about it after seeing a luxurious car in possession from someone in our neighbourhood.
If you have a purpose and value it, then nothing can ever make you compare yourself with others and feel like you’re not doing right.
You have to consider the fact that you’re unique. Your line of progress is different and will be different no matter what you do. When you compare yourself with others, you’re trying to change yourself as the mirror image of the person you’re comparing with, which is impossible.
Further, you have to understand that what you want is never equal to what you need.
You might be wishing for an iMac to complete a particular task, but all you need is a laptop to do it amazingly. There’s always a difference between what you want and what you really need.
And you have to also understand that less is always more. Because if less can’t satisfy you how are you sure that more will ever be?
Because the more we have the less it would get.
But, we want it because we think having that would help achieve equality or perhaps superiority over others. However, in the first place, there’s no one superior or inferior because we all are tinier than the tiny speck of sand in this universe.
As you can see, even the huge Earth in this universe is just a dot. And perhaps not that as well. So, when you compare and later feel confused, try to look at the followings,
- Have purpose and value it.
- Count your blessings in disguise, that’s what matters the most.
- What you want is never equal to what you need.
- Less is always more.
- You’re unique so there’s no benefit of comparing.
- No one’s superior, no one’s inferior.
4. Be Present by Focusing on One Brick at a Time
As Will Smith shared in his new book, Will with Mark Manson, when his father ordered him and his brother to build a wall, it was hard for him to obey that.
How could an 11-year old child build a wall?
Every time both the brothers tried to build the wall, it was getting harder for them to believe that they could build that. They were confused and exhausted with the expectation.
A twelve feet high and 20 feet long wall.
But, when his father told him that they don’t have to focus on building a wall, rather, placing a brick at a time, things got simple and soon they completed the wall.
Similarly, if you’re pursuing something and finding it hard and yourself confused, don’t focus on that particular thing. Instead, divert your mind to small stepping stones that would lead you there.
5. Rather Than Perfection, Work for Improvement
If I edit before I write, you might not be reading this. Likewise, if you prefect before creating, you cannot complete.
And you’ll be confused without any time limit.
We writers have a trait, which helps us complete a long piece very fast is that we first don’t write for editing, rather we write for completion.
Once the piece has been completed, we work on the editing part.
It’s like, write, edit, write, edit, edit and edit again.
Also, by running so many edit sessions, it doesn’t mean we try to perfect it, instead, it’s always about improving. So, you, too, should focus on that and free yourself from confusion.
6. Expect Nothing – Neither Good Nor Bad
As we discussed earlier, we want to feel good in everything that’s why we feel confused.
However, if we take this habit of ours out, we might improve our situation. We’ll make our choice regardless of good and bad and things would short out quickly.
Nevertheless, keeping our minds free of good and bad sometimes becomes harder. So, in that case, what you can do is, try to have as a few choices as possible.
This will help your mind decide quickly and you won’t feel confused after making your decision because that’s all you had.
7. Take a Pause
Life’s unpredictable. Things come our way at a random pace with diverse shapes and sizes. You can’t help with that and nobody else as well.
By looking at those unexpected things, anybody could feel overwhelmed. Like there’s too much confusion in life.
So, what’s the best you can do?
Just, leave everything off the table for a while because when we are overwhelmed we can’t decide well. We cannot even see things that are placed in front of us that we should consider.
And by taking a pause, we give our mind time to open up. Feel free and energetic again to look at the problem with a fresh outlook.
We start to see different angles and in a short span of time, we reach a decision that we’re struggling with before. That’s what it means to take a pause.
Focus on your breath for a moment or two and then come back to the thing you were working on.
It will be magical.
So, those were our reasons why we experience confusion in life. And with that, how we can deal with them without getting ourselves hurt and losing track.
Nevertheless, those can’t be the only reasons and remedies, but those are the ones that my brother and I have confronted till now.
And as it’s a shared human experience, we believe you might also feel confused in life because of these.
If you’ve experienced a different reason for the confusion in life, let us know in the comments.
That’s it; have a confusion-free life or deal with it better.
I, VIshvendra Singh Nathawat, younger from Nathawat Brothers.
Putting thoughts for everyone.
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