Someone great once said that if you have to ask, it means you don’t. If you need to ask yourself, “Am I happy?” It means you’re not. “Am I great?” No, you’re not. Hence, the same applies to the question, “Can you be friends with someone you love?” Or, “Can you be friends with your crush?” if this seems more appropriate.
In both cases, you’re trying to become what you don’t want to be in the first place. I guess that’s why the questions are here.
Some would argue that being friends with someone and being happy aren’t the same thing. Well, I don’t think so. Because whether you want to be just friends or a lover, you’re looking for happiness in both situations. Aren’t you?
And if you’re unhappy with your decision, what’s the purpose of taking it?
Are you ready to give more value to the other person’s feelings and happiness, and whatever emotions you have don’t matter?
If that’s the case, then by all means, you can prefer staying friends with someone you love or are in love with deeply.
However, if that’s not the case, then rather than asking, “how to be just friends with someone you love”, you should look at different case scenarios and ask yourself the right question(s) that can actually help you.
Let’s look at those questions and find our way to long-lasting love for… definitely ourselves.
Note: There’s a caveat about the ideology that if you have to ask, it means you don’t. Here, we’re talking about self-growth, improvement and relationships with other people. By this notion, it doesn’t mean it supports other wrong situations. For example, after beating someone, if you’re asking, “Have I beaten you?” This doesn’t mean that if you have to ask, it means you didn’t beat that person. No, that’s not what this ideology is talking about.
Why Love?
Love is a feeling that can keep you up all night laughing, aroused, and thinking great about yourself. Love is a feeling that can keep you up all night crying, agitated, and thinking bad about yourself.
Love is a feeling that can build beautiful worlds and give place to millions of beautiful lives and things.
Yet, at the same time, love is a feeling that can destroy those beautiful worlds and meet extinction for all the lives and things living and residing there.
Funny, right? But yes, love has two sides, just like any other thing in this world.
However, in the case of love, there isn’t one side good and one side bad. Instead, both sides are good, and both sides are bad.
Not a liberating thought, right?
Well, that’s why it’s LOVE. One can’t be explained or understood unless you experience it, and even then, it’s not easier to explain what love really means. For some, it’s nothing – I used to believe that, too – and for some, it’s everything.
And because of that, it has those two sides, both good and both bad, and the situation that makes them like that is,
Both are good – when your love is reciprocated by someone.
Both are bad – when your love wasn’t reciprocated.
When your love is reciprocated, both sides of love – laughing and crying – make your relationship with someone and you better.
However, when it isn’t, both sides of love – laughing and crying – only affect you, not the other person. And what determines the outcome of this situation is how you will react when that happens.
The sides of love can be good even if it isn’t reciprocated.
But what kind of person you’re and what your thinking is determines everything – whether non-reciprocated love will make you a better person or worse.
And because of that, these questions are here. If you’re not hopeless, these will liberate you, as they did to me.
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Can You Be Friends With Someone You Love Who’s Single?
Confessing feelings with someone is hard.
It shakes our bodies, sweats our pants and vibrates our hearts like never before.
But, with a bit of courage, you confessed your feelings to someone you love who’s single, and they said no. But at the same time, they said, “We can be just friends.”
Just friends – this word has been tossed around so many times, and honestly speaking, whoever says it first doesn’t know what it means. Just like love, this “just friends” is hard to explain.
Because the one who listens to it can never understand because they want more than just.
They want to start the transition from friends to lovers.
Because in friendship, there’s no just. Friendship is friendship, no ‘just’, no ‘much.’
So, if someone who’s single and tossed these two words on your face, it clearly means they want nothing romantic with you. Because if they did, they would have asked you the same question if you had been friends for a long time.
There would have been moments, such as kissing and touching, to make you aware of whether they want to be more than friends.
Now, there’s a complex situation here.
Sometimes, some people do things they don’t even have an idea about. They do it without any intention, which sometimes they regret later. I believe there are many situations in your life where something similar happened.
Let’s say you have been friends with this nice, beautiful lady for a year or two. The two of you spend so much time together. And you both are single.
You’re a shy person and easily can’t express your feelings, and because of that, you haven’t shared the feelings that built over time. You like this person and probably love them as well.
Hence, you want to explore the friendship and dating phase.
So, on a typical weekend, you both were watching a movie together, as usual, you do every time.
The movie got intense; both of you got too close, and in that moment, you kissed her.
And she kissed you, too. You were lucky, and both of you also shared the bed that night. Now, the following day, this person wasn’t there.
You called her and messaged her, but she didn’t reply. But eventually, you met, which was supposed to happen. There, you expressed your feelings to her. And in response, she said she just wanted to be friends. She’s not looking for anything romantic.
She sees you as a good friend, and whatever happened was a mistake. She had no idea what she did.
Now, after hearing this response, you’d probably burst out. Of which she will try to explain that she never did that before and you were her friend, so it was safe for her to do. And that, that moment, was very romantic and she couldn’t control herself—something like this.
This won’t satisfy you either, and you’ll leave.
You’ll be angry with her for some time and won’t talk. There will be no contact. But eventually, you’ll forget about this, not the feelings, but what happened.
You’d think maybe she needs time. So you wait. But nothing like that ever happens again. Never.
No matter how many times the moment got intense, she never did it again.
This simply means she made an innocent mistake over which she had no control. And by not repeating it, she’s sure she doesn’t want anything more than a true friendship.
You have tried to confess your feelings over and over, and for all this, she has to say that she sees you as a good friend. Not just friends, but a good friend, and whatever happened wasn’t in her control.
This is a true and not a deceiving response.
However, if that person after that moment says that it was a mistake and they are just friends, but after a week or two does the thing again, but again says that you’re just friends, then this person is ultimately fulfilling their cravings. You should not be in touch with them anymore.
There’s nothing like playing games in relationships, but this person is using you to masturbate and nothing more.
You’ll get nothing out of it.
So, avoid them because they are single, and try to be their friend. Don’t be a toy, and you’ll know whether they actually want you to be their friend or not.
And for the person who made the innocent mistake, it’s complicated to say whether you should be their friend. Because they are clearly not using you, and this makes you like them even more.
But the following point can help you decide:
- You’ve asked them multiple times, so I don’t think 100 times will change their mind.
- If you choose to be their friend, would you be able to control your feelings? Or will you have no feelings for them?
- One day, this person will be with someone. Would you be able to accept that?
- Will you not fantasise and masturbate while thinking about them?
- While you are friends with them, will you look for someone else?
For the above questions, if, even for once, the answer comes other than Yes, then you shouldn’t continue to be friends with this person.
It’ll be better for both of you.
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Can You Be Friends With Someone You Love Who Has a Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
This one is even harder to crack.
But, if you know the right questions, you’ll know what to do.
It’s very complex when you fall for someone who’s already in a relationship. Very.
What makes it even more complex is that you’ve confessed your feelings to this person, and they are okay with it.
And they still want to be your friend.
Another one that makes this an uphill battle is the other person has feelings for you.
They like to talk and spend time with you, and even you two got cosy multiple times. But they can’t end their current relationship.
So, in such situations, how do you decide whether you can be “just friends” with that person?
Well, first, you have to rule out a specific situation in which you have fallen for a person. The situations that occur when you fall for someone already in a relationship are,
- No feelings for you. Don’t want to get cosy, but I like to be your friend.
- Feelings for you, never got cosy.
- Feelings for you, got cosy, never mentioned just friends, but I don’t want to end the current relationship.
- They have no feelings for you, get cosy whenever they want, don’t want to end the current relationship, yet insist on being just friends.
You should go for a ‘Hard No’ for the 4th situation because this person is only treating you as a cheat meal after a vigorous month’s workout.
They don’t have feelings for you and only use you to fill their void. Give them some thrill in life. So, stop falling and stop being friends with this person. You’ll always get hurt.
Now, for the 1st situation, stopping would be good.
And for the 2nd and 3rd, it’s all about wondering about the unknown. In the present, you’ll get nothing, and if you continue to be their friend, you have to face the following:
- There will be moments when this person cannot give you priority. Will you be able to accept that?
- Thoughts like they’re with their girlfriend or boyfriend, create feelings like jealousy. So, will you be able to handle that?
- From time to time, you’ll feel a surge of emotions and thoughts you want to express, but you won’t be able to do. So, will you be okay with suppressing your feelings?
- Can you have faith in the unknown and let the Universe guide you?
- Can you let down some good people who want to start a relationship with you?
- Can you wait without succumbing to impatience, let’s say, for 5, 10, or 20 years of your life?
If, for even once, your answer is No, then you should say goodbye to this person and move on.
There’s nothing good you’ll find being friends with this person.
Also, when you say goodbye and if this person or someone else advises that by letting them go and not choosing to be their friend, you’re forcing them to start a relationship.
Believe me; you’ll hear this; I can guarantee it.
So, in this case, all you have to respond is that if you’re forcing them to start a relationship, then telling you to be their friend only, even if you don’t want to, is also forcing.
If you are forcing them, then they are forcing you as well.
Let’s Switch the Question – Can You Be a Partner/Lover to Someone Who Love You Even If You Don’t?
Can you?
Can you be someone’s partner or lover even if you don’t like or love them?
There are no layers here. And I will not go deep into this. You can answer this question without knowing the philosophy.
Without any analogy.
Thanks for being here.
Nathawat Brothers
Putting thoughts for everyone.
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