Indecision, overthinking, or self doubt, call it whatever you may want to, but for most people on this Earth, it has become a pain in the neck.
And what do we do with the pain?
We either ignore it and later face the dangerous outcomes. Or treat it with medicine, advice and proper procedure so we can do our most valuable task without any trouble.
I’m certain that the second option is the best option. And I believe, you believe that as well.
Therefore, in this article, to help you treat the self doubting disease of yours, I’ll share some excellent points that would not only overcome self-doubt, plus, they will teach you how to remain confident in the worst or best situations of life.
Moreover, I am also going first to mention the eight reasons that make us doubt ourselves. So, you’d have a better idea about your self-doubting issue, and you can treat it amazingly.
That’s it, let’s get started with the first topic.
8 reasons why we self-doubt
Yup, eight reasons it is. If you got many or something else from the below list, please write them down in the comment section. I’d love to read and understand them all.
We self doubt because we are too focused on results
It’s easy to say don’t doubt yourself, but when your mind is all centred on the results, then there’s nothing that can stop you from self-doubt.
No matter how hard you’ll try to stop yourself from self-doubting, you cannot stop yourself. Because doubting isn’t the problem man, instead what you desire in the present moment is.
Whatever you’ll do or you’re doing right now, you’re doing it to see some results, and when they don’t come, you doubt — whether you’re doing the thing right or not?
You don’t self-question yourself; instead, you self-criticize. You give more importance to the outcome and future than the present and the process.
And when you don’t love the process or value it, you’re never going to be involved in it, and hence you’ll never see results — which means you’ll continue to doubt it for eternity.
We compare ourselves to others
First, we don’t love the process, and then what makes our self-doubt stronger is the comparison we do of ourselves to others.
Your neighbour has bought a new car, and you’re not able to. You’d say, “He’s got a new car, god damn it, he’s literally making so much money in his profession. And what I’m doing? I’m a loser, will never get much out of my life?”
This type of thinking and talking makes you even more crumpled, and you keep getting yourself under the heavy burden of self-loathing & doubting.
You’ll rank other people superior to yourself, and you’d always feel that there’s something missing in you that is keeping you behind than everything & everyone else. However, in general, you might have more than other people, whether it’s education, finance, looks etc.
But the thirst to get what others have will always make you feel like you’re the sand to their shoes. Or even, mud.
We don’t believe our purpose
When we’re focused on results, we don’t believe the process. And when the result doesn’t come out, we start to compare ourselves.
And when we compare, we don’t compare our situation; rather, we compare our purpose. His purpose is working, and mine’s not.
This type of thinking takes our confidence down and forces us to believe that whatever we are doing isn’t worth at all.
Once you start to feel like this way, you start self-doubt.
It starts with, Focus on results → Comparison → Doubt on purpose → Doubt on yourself.
We self doubt because we see everything would fall apart
It’s all because negative thinking and our habit to give in people’s thinking.
I don’t believe you can do it.
This little piece of negativity stops you before you even start. By saying they don’t believe in you, isn’t that actually they don’t believe in you.
The hidden meaning in their words is that they cannot believe themselves that they can do it. And upon that thinking, they treat you the same.
Whenever we say, I don’t believe in another person; it is because we don’t believe we can.
Ask yourself, how many times you’ve done this to another person, when you believed you could not do it and imposed it to others by saying, I don’t believe you can do it.
But still, when they say, we accept it as our reality without even trying.
Fear of failure makes us self doubt
This one is the biggest achiever in stopping people from doing something meaningful they ever wanted.
Fear of failure comes before self-doubt. Or we can say, it’s the doppelganger of it.
Even before starting anything, we ask, what if.
And this, two words question ruins everything for us. We image as our purpose is not working out. Visualize the negative perspective of life instead of positive. Daydreaming ourselves failing at everything.
We give in people’s opinion and leave our dream and purpose at bay.
Fear of failure makes every negative thinking real before it can ever happen. Because of it, we consider negative thinking as realistic and positive thinking as unrealistic.
On the other hand, what we should be doing is that allow fears in our life but still do the thing we want to because in life fear will always be there, whether you do it or not.
Lots of options available
I should write, or I should speak?
I should watch it, or I should listen?
See, when there are multiple options available, I can’t make a decision, which so does apply to you in your life.
When there are lots of options available, and in today’s time there’s a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot…, we can’t decide. First, we doubt, and then our consist doubting becomes self-doubt.
Whether doing this will be sufficient or doing that would be great? I’m afraid to take this decision, what if it goes wrong?
Fear comes in, and we project our focus on results, expectations, and desires.
We don’t want to decide because we don’t want to get wrong. What if there would be fewer options available in our life? I bet it would be great.
It’s your first time to make a decision
We’ve walked too far into self-doubt, let’s start from the basics.
You haven’t made a decision yet. It’s your first time in your entire life, and that’s why you’re doubting and agitating to take it.
It’s simple as that.
When it’s the first time to do anything, whether it’s decision making or pushing the first pedal on the bicycle, everyone feels the power of fear.
If it’s your first time, then get it to sink in, and do the thing without overthinking. You’ll get out pretty fair.
Remember, practice makes the person…
You fear they’ll judge you
Last but not least.
After the fear of failure, this one is the most dreamer’s dream killing reason. We don’t doubt purpose, we don’t doubt our process, but this thinking that people are sitting to judge us, make everything against us.
And once you start to feel like in this way, there’s no coming back, unless you begin to believe in the following points.
10 ways to stop or overcome self doubt
When you feel like you’re self-doubting yourself, then there’s nothing best than coming back to this section of the post and read these ten ways to overcome it.
Each point will help you overcome one of the eight reasons that make us self doubt. But, first, let’s see how to over the self-doubting issue of people’s judgement.
People will always say — Donkey and the Couple
No matter what, people will always judge you, whether you make it or not.
It’s very human for human to gossip; it’s something that was structured in our DNA from a very long time. Even a past study on gossip found that men spent 55% & women spent 67% conversation time on it. You can read more about gossip on a Time article → “The Science Behind Why People Gossip.”
Now let’s come to our topic, how to overcome our issue of people will say something about us.
It’s storytime, let me tell you one.
Once upon a time, there was a Donkey, and a Husband and Wife. All three walking freely, Donkey on foot, the man on foot and female on foot. But then people started talking.
They said, “How foolish this man and woman is, they have a donkey, and they are walking. Ha-ha-ha.”
This concerned the couple, so they decided, and the man climbed the back of the donkey and kept their journey continued.
Now, people again started to gossip, this time they said, “How cruel this man is, he’s on the donkey, and his wife’s not.”
It made the male feel guilty, so he climbs down from it and lets his wife ride on the donkey.
But people were people, they talked again, “How cruel this woman is, she’s on the donkey, and her husband’s not.”
It felt wrong to the woman, so she let her husband sit behind her, and they both started to ride on the donkey’s back.
This doesn’t satisfy the people, so they gossiped again, “How cruel these people are, riding together on a donkey. Do they want to take its life?”
It crushed the hearts of the couple, so finally, they both climbed down and started to walk.
And people started to talk again; they said, “How foolish this man and woman is, they have a donkey, and they are walking. Ha-ha-ha.”
But this time, husband and wife said nothing and did nothing, they kept their journey on foot. However, the donkey stepped in and said, “How foolish you people are who’s giving their attention to others than your work. I thought I was the donkey, but now I am relieved.”
And nobody said nothing.
That’s it; people will always talk, whether you do something or you don’t.
Remember your past
Once we overcome the fear of what’s people will say, a new problem steps in our path. Precisely talking, the inner critique among us.
So how to deal with it?
It’s simple; just remember your past. And by remembering your past isn’t mean that you linger to some good times of your life.
Focus your mind on those times where you used to do something. Meaning, if you have self-doubt before stepping into a new career or onto the career path, remember your past what you used to do when you were a kid.
If this new career is somewhat similar or some aspects of it identical to your past, then you should take it.
When I was a kid, I used to play movies, stories, and some fantasy with my brother. It helped me choose a career where I can be around stories.
So, do I. I enjoyed playing stories and writing them now.
In this same way, you can overcome your self-doubt when choosing or switching a career.
When you talk, you get advice & guidance
Suicide rates, depression, and people calling themselves mentally disturbed is on the rise. Why, because they got more privacy concerned than any century of history.
To say, they are private, but if you look at their social media accounts, you’ll find out they’re not.
No, that’s not right. They are private but only for down moments. Not for happy moments. You’d rarely find people posting their videos or images while they are having a downtime.
Thanks to social media and the internet, people in this century tend to believe less in the community and more in the singularity.
For anniversaries, birthdays, and accomplishments, you find people celebrating with other people. But as soon as something terrible happens in their life, they cut themselves out.
Therefore, if you’re going through that type of self-doubt or any kind of, you should talk to someone.
Perhaps, 99% of the people will give you worthless advice; however, 1% will save you from the burden. That’s how different nations and civilisations survived. And that’s how you can overcome your self-doubt.
Remember, people will always say whether you talk or you don’t.
Don’t stiff, be elastic
When we become rigid to something, it’s hard to move on. We find ourselves so connected to that thing we want to move on that literally makes our mind The Peace Maze of UK. Running behind the same thoughts over and over and arriving at the same place again and again.
Let’s say you want to try a new career, but the job you’re right now in, is very comfortable for you, and it’s hard for you to leave it.
And when that happens, we start to feel a little or more insecure about the choice we’re about to make. We find ourselves doubting again.
However, the moment you disconnect yourself from the feeling of comfort, you free yourself from all the doubts. You become flexible towards your choices and ready for something unexpected. Because when we stick to something, we start to believe in the permanence of things.
But, universally speaking, there’s never so-called permanence in anything.
Failure is part of the success
We don’t start because we fear failure. But, if we don’t fail, how do we learn why we failed.
If you’re not able to start something, then it’s not your self-doubt, rather it’s your fear of failure.
As Eckhart Tolle, put in his book, The Power of Now, that in our life there’s never something terrible happen. There’s always something positive hidden in it. Or I should say, there’s still positive in everything.
So, if you fail at something, you’ll find out you’re not meant for it. You’ll try something else and succeed at it.
Start practising SAVERS by Hal Elrod
Sometimes it’s all because our routine isn’t aligned with the things, we care the most. Eventually, it turns out pretty bad for us. We might get sick, generate random disturbing thoughts, or put ourselves in something that ruins everything for us and everybody around.
Then it’s likely to indulge ourselves in doubt over everything.
To stop this kind of behaviour, there’s a very delicate habit/routine we can try. It’s called SAVERS that Hal Elrod, a motivational speaker, came up with during his time in the hospital recovering from a fatal accident that even stopped his heart for 6 mins.
So, what’s SAVERS? Let me tell you briefly.
S = Silence → Mediate each day to lower your stress and become more focused. For mediation, you can try Headspace. It’s a nice application to learn how to do mediation with amazing guidance and life lessons.
A = Affirmation → Pray or show some gratitude for everything you’re grateful. To know how to pray, you can try Gabrielle Bernstein’s way of praying.
V = Visualisation → Try to imagine the things you want in life by focusing on the process.
E = Exercise → Do some daily workout, whether at the gym or home, to keep yourself healthy and working.
R = Reading → Today’s reader, tomorrow’s leader. So, have some good thoughts in your mind by reading books from great personalities. To overcome self-doubt, you can try the book, You are a BadAss.
S = Scribing → Pen down your thoughts to have clarity in life and answer your own questions.
Try your best don’t quit easily
Some don’t start due to fear of failure, and some don’t continue after a single failure. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and diffidence.
But a single try won’t take you there where you want to go. A single shot will only manifest your weaknesses and lose spots where you need to put your complete focus and try your best at subsequent times.
In life for whatever the reason you face self-doubt, don’t quit without trying, and when you try, give your best.
Only trying, for the sake of quitting before trying, isn’t going to help you. You must get yourself into the best version of an attempt or attempts.
It’s human to make mistakes
To err is human, to forgive divine.
I believe you’ve read or heard this one before. But whenever we make a mistake, we start to give ourselves a tough time. We don’t treat ourself as a human being.
Our mistake makes us feel less confidant, and we start to self-doubt again.
But, to err is human, to forgive divine → meaning, all people commit sins and make mistakes. God forgives them, and people are acting in a godlike (divine) way when they forgive.
Either you make a mistake (a reasonable one) or someone else, you should forgive and try to move forward with fewer questions in mind.
When there are too many questions to answer, we always tend to feel anxious. And none of them gets answered.
Nothing is in your control
Yup, and it’s never going to be.
Perhaps, you’re thinking you are the one who’s controlling you, but it’s not the truth.
Believe it or not.
None of the situations is in your control. None. However, how you see or interact with certain situations life is in your control.
Whether the business fails or succeed, it’s not in your control. But what’s in your reach is the hard work you do for that business.
The transport has suddenly failed to work. Now, you can either sit and complain about the system failure of your vehicle. Or, you should get a cab and reach where you need to be.
Nothing is in your control, except how you deal with a particular situation is.
Have a balanced diet of both Negativity & Positivity
A man is what he thinks about all day long.
If you think negative all day long, you become cynical. And a negative person’s perspective is always seeing everything as it would fall apart.
Whatever he puts his mind on, will eventually fail. When you have this kind of mentality, you soon start to self-doubt.
However, following the Chinese philosophy Yin and Yang, you can lower the rates of your negativity.
Having too much positivity isn’t going to help, as you might miss something negative that needs to be changed.
But, seeing a glass half full and half empty, will lead you to take action and make it whole again. You’ll bring positivity into the gloomy world and cast out your self doubt.
. . .