In marriage, two people are bound by a very sacred relationship to bring together two different families as a whole. They vow to carry forward their family’s lineage and become the basis of true intimacy and companionship in life.
Marriage is so sacred and pure, where one vows to give their life for another, that no other relationship on Earth, except a mother and child, can comprehend or anticipate that kind of bonding.
That kind of sharing that makes two souls and two bodies one that no modern technology or advancement could achieve. This relationship is so powerful that it can give birth to a new life.
A life that gives them another motive to be together for many years to come.
I would not call it being tied up or fastening, but I would prefer it as the union of two different Samskaras.
During this sacred union, the couple makes many promises to each other: to be together forever, love each other forever, and never cheat on each other.
Yet as time passes, distances are created. Hatred towards each other starts, and husband and wife do not talk to each other for many days.
And this hatred ends in separation, which is not only limited to heterosexual partners.
Statistics show that around 1% of same-sex couples get divorced each year. And in the United States, the divorce rate is 3.1 per 1000 people.
If separation in a deteriorating married relationship makes everything right, then what about those moral, social and personal values of marriage that society had told them at the time of marriage?
The occurrence of divorce or separation in any married relationship cannot be a game of a day.
This means that it gradually escalated between the two parties or because of the harassment of one on the other in the relationship.
And the whole family of the husband or wife has to reach this hard decision (keeping Indian society in view) that it is not right to be tied in this relationship anymore. They go for divorce or separation as the solution to this problem.
True love can never get divorced. Why it doesn’t seem strange to people when a truly loving couple gets separated even after tying the knot with each other?
This means that love was never true or that love happens again and again; then, who said that love happens only once?
All these philosophical things make me laugh a lot, and it even emphasises the thought that people get divorced three times and then get married again.
It might just mean a feeling of boredom or a lack of attraction to each other.
If we have to get divorced again and again, then why should we get into marriage? Now for this, you will say that the dynasty’s name also has to be carried forward.
So from this, I should understand that perhaps there is no modern society because the dynasty can proceed without marriage.
So, the people marry so that everyone in the society will see them with respect? Then what happens to that respect after getting divorced? You will start talking about modern society now.
A big decision like divorce can never be a single person’s decision. It is the decision of a joint family.
Why does a couple have to make this unfortunate decision after all? Why do the lives of two people change so much from this decision?
Today, with the help of this article, we will try to know the main causes of divorce that husbands and wives or spouses face. And these could be the top reasons for divorce in 2020, 2021, 2022 and many years to come.
1. Having an Illicit Relationship – the 2nd Top Most Reason for Divorce
If the attraction is the only love between spouses, then it is always enough to have relations with outsider males or females.
This is the first approach to understanding the fidget of separation in a family.
In ancient times, kings, maharajas, rulers, nawabs, etc., used to keep a woman only for their sexual pleasure. They used to live in married relationships with several queens. There were no rules like separation and divorce. If the attraction with one wife ended, they used to marry another.
But in today’s era, women and men have equal rights (almost, but not wholly,) and these rules have been moulded into laws and regulations for separation in an excellent way.
Today, if a woman or man wants to separate, they must complete the divorce process through the court. After that, they can choose their new life partner. There are rules like no-fault divorce that give them an easy ticket for separation.
Now let’s talk about why a couple gets divorced due to a lack of attraction.
If you have a physical and emotional relationship with an outsider other than your spouse, understand that you are bored with your partner and that the outsider has become your centre of attraction.
Now you will spend less time with your partner and gradually stop it altogether.
You will start to find all your spouse talk absurd and frivolous, due to which mutual communication between you two will decrease, and the beginning of your separation will start.
You will start lying to your life partner. You will always feel the fear of you getting caught. And finally, when your life partner knows about your illicit relationship, the house tribulation will start between you two.
And if your attraction towards the outsider has increased too much, then it is inevitable that your partner will leave you forever. In this situation, you are bound to get divorced.
In most cases, adultery is the main reason for divorce, due to which there is a loss of trust between spouses and one of the two starts feeling cheated. They begin to regret their relationship, and their paths part ways forever in the end.
If we look at causes of divorce statistics, it’s found that infidelity and extramarital affairs are the 2nd most reason for divorce.
However, this data can’t represent the whole world because the situation is different when I look at my surroundings and read stories of famous people.
For instance, soon after Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie Scott announced their separation, it leaked that Bezos was in a relationship with Lauren Sanchez, now his partner. And Mackenzie Scott remarried after two years and recently filed for divorce again.
Bill Gates broke his 34 years relationship in 2021, and during his marital years, he made mistakes that caused pain and later divorce.
And if we talk about Elon Musk, the guy whom so many people find their idol, has married twice, partnered with multiples, is a father of ten and even was accused of disrupting the marriage of Johny Depp and Sergey Brin that resulted in divorce.
For sure, we cannot say an illegal relationship is an ultimate reason for divorce. Yet, if you love someone truly, you won’t get a divorce.
Or perhaps, not in a year; even if you do, it will take your guts out to remarry.
2. Beating and Abusing Your Spouse – The Lost Faith Reason for Filing for Divorce
In a marital relationship, abusing or beating binds a relationship in a bond of fear.
Your spouse starts fearing you in on everything – no matter the situation. It makes your relationship faithless.
If you or your spouse is making fighting a habit in a relationship, then understand that you are destroying your spouse’s values, ideals, and self-esteem. Think for once, if you are behaving indecently with your spouse, you get angry about small things, threaten them, and beat them up, will they respect you?
And how long will they fear you or tolerate you?
Every person has a tolerance limit, which lasts only as long as the other person maintains their limit.
If not, a fight will start between the two, and your beautiful house will break due to the violent nature of your relationship.
Most causes of divorce stem from domestic violence, where the husband sees himself as a ruler over his wife.
The wife is suppressed for small things in such a way that she has no personal values, principles, or self-respect.
She should act like a machine; and without any emotion, the husband will impose all his orders on her, which she should keep silently obeying.
Can a married life go on like this?
This does not apply only to women. Men are also victims of domestic violence, where wives shout at their husbands, exploit them financially, threaten them to implicate in the female harassment laws, etc.
The result is the end of married life.
Many men even commit suicide because of all these cases or decide to separate from their wives by the court – just as women do.
In India, the NCRB data showcases that the number of suicides by men over family crises was double of women. Moreover, partner violence against men by women happens extensively that professionals can’t anticipate that could even lead to suicide, like a whirlwind.
Can harassing your spouse verbally or physically lead to a happy married life?
I believe it never can.
It is not necessary that what the victim thinks about the abuser. Instead, what’s necessary is that the person being harassed begins to think of themselves as weak and pathetic.
They wonder whether they had married just to be beaten or abused. They go into depression and start showing an inferiority complex to themselves.
And all this leads to becoming a rigid reason for divorce because other than that, the person getting beaten up every day doesn’t see any path forward. What they find right is to get divorced and move on.
3. Drug Addiction – a Reason To File for Divorce in Every Household
Due to excessive intoxication in married life, you do not give enough time to understand your spouse.
It becomes overwhelming even to bother to take care of your partner’s personal needs when intoxicated.
An intoxicated person does not know the difference between right and wrong, which is why they behave indecently with their spouse. They shout, harass their partner physically, waste money, and probably make the family members circle the hospital every now and then.
Furthermore, they don’t even shy about causing mental trauma to their children as well as abusing in-laws. And these are only fragments of things a person can do to break a family due to excessive intoxication.
And this creates the situation where you or your spouse wants to get divorced.
Because due to intoxication, you’re unable to spend quality time with your partner, which further stimulates a loss in the physical as well as the emotional relationship between the two of you.
In a 2013 study, it was found that lacking communication in a relationship can lead to a lack of intimacy, depression, loneliness, and arguments, which are enough reasons for divorce.
Meanwhile, another study suggests that communication can fix a relationship on the verge of breaking.
Thus, if you’re intoxicated: you don’t communicate.
It means you don’t understand each other, and to be happy only means living apart from each other.
An addicted person, whether to alcohol or MDMA, Weed, Opium, etc., causes physical and mental pain to themselves knowingly or unknowingly, but at the same time causes a lot of pain to their family members.
Due to this, the family members sadly wish them to die or consider separation from them for their own good.
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4. Expecting Too Much From Your Spouse Is Also a Reason for Divorce
Being optimistic is a good thing in any relationship. But being overly optimistic and that too with your spouse is very harmful to any family relationship.
Expecting more from your spouse than they can afford is a rift in a marital relationship, as your spouse will not be able to meet your expectation, and you will see them as not fulfilling the responsibility.
And then there will be tension between the two, due to which the house atmosphere will become disturbed.
Due to the daily heat, you will completely change the nature of your spouse for yourself, and in the end, the quarrels between you will increase so much that you will start troubling each other’s minds like a nightmare.
If you expect unwanted things from your partner or pressure them to agree to something undesirable, it is natural to get angry at each other.
This anger creates a difference of opinion between both of you, due to which both of you always start refusing to listen to each other’s words.
You feel that all your decisions in married life are right.
The same your spouse thinks about themselves, and then both of you cannot draw any conclusion for any work.
Expecting more from your spouse than their ability may not be a reason for divorce directly, but it creates mutual differences that result in divorce.
If you think all of your expectations need to be fulfilled, watch the above video. Or try to read this article to know the 10 rules that simplify expectations in a relationship.
5. To Argue With Each Other Over Small Things Every Day
In married life, if there are stubborn arguments between spouses about small things, then it cannot be a sign of a healthy married life.
Because in that situation, there would be competition or stubbornness in each other’s minds to justify each other’s point of view. This will lead to a debate so fierce that the matter comes to a scuffle.
And this aggressive attitude creates resentment towards each other, leading to a lack of trust between the two.
In a recent 2022, it’s found that trust in intimate relationships in the United States is the increased importance of embeddedness for marriage. So, if there’s no trust or lack of trust, it means the grip to bound marriage is losing up.
When you don’t trust, you disagree. And in family life, denying your spouse’s point and not paying attention to their point always creates an aggressive argument between the two.
Due to this, there is hatred towards each other between the two, and both parties take the help of a third person to justify their point of view.
And if the third person cannot settle the conversation between the two, then the separation seems to be the right way for both of them to show themselves as mature and more intelligent.
6. Being Short of Money
For someone to run the country, the country’s government needs to be strong in the economic condition. If a country’s financial situation is weak, how can it provide its citizens security, health, employment, education, etc.? The condition of that country will become very poor, and hunger and unemployment will end that country.
Similarly, to run a family, it is necessary to be balanced with its financial condition.
If the head of the family is unemployed or the family’s financial condition is not good, then they cannot take care of their spouse and fulfil their needs well.
In such a situation, there is bound to be a fight between the husband and wife over mutual needs, and due to the lack of this money, mental tension occurs between the two.
Simultaneously, one party curses itself for being bound in this marital relationship.
They do not see any other way out of this problem, and due to the daily deteriorating condition of the house, the nature of both becomes irritable and angry towards each other.
Due to financial problems, 3 out of 5 Americans consider not marrying to prevent themselves from inheriting their partner’s debt. While 54% of people find lousy finance a significant reason for divorce.
And it’s true because when Chris Gardner, an American businessman, struggled through one of his worst times, his wife left him without any notice. The movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness” is based on his life when he was trying his best to overcome the financial problem.
If you’ve not watched the movie or read the book yet, I suggest you should do it immediately. It’s inspiring, motivating and empathetic.
You’ll learn a lot — I bet.
7. Not Taking Care of Your Life Partner
Being sympathetic towards your spouse and caring for them is crucial to strengthening the marital relationship.
Based on the same 2013 study, it’s found that not being committed was the top most reason for divorce.
If you think of running away from your responsibilities and will not take care of your family, then you’re harming your marital relationship in many ways.
Due to this, mutual ignorance starts between the two of you.
For example, if the husband does not take care of his wife during pregnancy, the goodwill in the wife’s mind for her husband ends forever.
And then this feeling prevents the wife from doing any work for the husband, causing distrust between the two. Both feel as if they are not made for each other. Both get used to living separately, and being alone makes them feel self-peace.
Both of them start to understand their own good in forgetting each other, and this is the reason that leads them in the direction of separation.
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8. Having Sexual, Physical and Mental Problems
One of the main causes of divorce in married life is sexual, physical and mental problems. If the spouse is suffering from such a disease that they can never become a mother or father, then this grief puts them in a state of separation.
Everyone wants to see their children in life, and wants to play with them.
They want themselves to be accepted by society as society accepts other couples with children. They wish that their family’s name should live for ages.
But if this cannot happen due to any sexual disease, then a lack of space is created in the spouses’ minds. And they think of separation as a means to make up for this deficiency.
Sexual problems are not just limited to the reproduction of the offspring; a person also has some physiological needs they desire to fulfil.
But if this is not the case, the spouses decide to separate from each other.
Similarly, if in married life, it comes to know that your spouse is suffering from some mental and physical illness and they are unable to establish an emotional and physical relationship with you, then what will be your decision?
In this situation, the person mostly considers divorce as their first decision.
9. Indecent Behaviour by In-Laws – a Reason for Divorce Every Couple Fears
It’s found that if you develop a close relationship with your in-laws, it can decrease the chances of divorce by 20% for men. Yet, things can get complicated when the in-laws do not accept their son-in-law or daughter-in-law.
If they treat you like a stranger or don’t make you a part of any big house event. Or even behave worse than they do with a servant. And, in such a situation, if your spouse acts like your in-laws, your respect towards that house is broken.
Your trust in the marital relationship will get destroyed because you will feel all the time that there is no one to understand you in that house.
So in such a situation, living in such an environment will be full of pressure for you, and you decide to free yourself from this type of suffocation. And your final decision becomes fixed to end the marriage.
In today’s age, no one can live in pain, sorrow, or tension. Everyone cares about their self-respect and has respect at their own level. And if someone hurts that honour, it is like an ambush on a family relationship.
If this type of shameless behaviour is done by the in-laws, then the marital relationship breaks up without any legal process, just to make it formal, couples go for divorce.
10. Be Married Against the Will
Marriage is a relationship where two parties are bound by this sacred bond by knowing, understanding, and consenting to each other. But if the marriage is done against the wishes of the man or woman, this becomes very dangerous for married life.
Because marriage is not a game, where after victory, everything will be the same as before, it is the decision of the future of the life of two persons.
If the marriage is against the wishes, there will be a distance between the married couple. And if the distance increases, the interaction between the two will decrease. And both will stop caring about each other. And both parties will start feeling cheated.
There will be no love between the newly married couple, and when there is no love between husband and wife, you can think that in today’s modern era, how can both live their life together?
There will be no emotional connection between the two, resulting in separation.
11. Not Interacting With Each Other
If you are not watering a plant for a long time, its destruction is inevitable.
But if you are taking good care of that plant, giving it constant water and fertilisers, then flowers and fruits will bloom very well on that plant. All this happened because of your efforts, constant care, and love.
In the same way, if you give time to your spouse, try to understand your life partner, and stand by your spouse in their sorrow and happiness, then you are nurturing your married life.
And your married life will bring happiness and prosperity forever.
But if the spouses do not talk to each other for days. Do not give each other their time. And do not care for each other; in this situation, they are living their lives separately.
And when they do not experience each other, it is impossible for them to come close to each other.
If husband and wife do not see happiness and sorrow together. Together they do not become companions in each other’s sufferings. And, if they do not give each other quality time, they have no value in being together.
In this situation, they cannot come together even if they want to and are almost certain to get divorced.
To say there’s so much magical about marriage and relationships. Yet, despite all those thrills and time being together, it comes to an end, you can say, by our own will or God’s.
However, what’s important is how we choose to journey in the boat of marriage or a loving relationship.
The above reasons for divorce will undoubtedly lead to a catastrophic end. That you may or may not have thought about. So, you know these reasons, but they aren’t enough to help you lead a healthy marital life.
Therefore, in that case, what can you do?
I am a married man and have seen different marriages fall, and from them, what I found can help thrive a relationship, not only marriage but any relationship:
- Empathy or kindness.
- Transparency or honesty.
- Respect.
- Trust.
- And Love.
The last two are the effect of the former three; if those elements are missing, you’re missing everything.
And to be honest, these are very simple, but most people find them hard, and the reason is that they’ve already come a long way. But there’s never too late, and if you’re about to get married, keep these in check throughout your life if you don’t want to hurt the people you love.
Thank you
Nathawat Brothers
Putting thoughts for everyone
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